i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
