9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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