just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
