I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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