so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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