So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
