dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
