Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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