Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
