he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
