I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
