bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
