just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
