just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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