Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
