dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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