You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
