Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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