the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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