she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
