well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
