so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
