Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When are your genitals available?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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