ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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