There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
