how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
