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• (630): View more from Illinois

  i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...

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• (916): View more from California

  He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.

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• (916): View more from California

  I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.

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