1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
