Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
