her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
