im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
