Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
