My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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