I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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