People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
