just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
