She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize