so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
