Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Where is the hickey?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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