I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
