In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I party with great urgency now.
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