Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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