Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
