I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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