This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
