I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
