and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
