I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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