.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
