How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
