just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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