I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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