love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
