My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
