I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
