i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
