why didn't you poke me back
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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