Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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