Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
