she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize