I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
