he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
