The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
this hospital has no fireball
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
