Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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