it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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