cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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