dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
