I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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