part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
