You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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