I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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