Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Couch. On fire.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
