I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
