God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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