The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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