Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
