I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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