They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
