Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
