I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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