I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize