Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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