I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
